I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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