There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
