i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
