i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
