he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
