I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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