are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
