hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
