I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize