i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
