it hurts more in the daytime
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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