i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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