Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
