can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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