Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
