I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
