Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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