His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
