If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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