Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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