OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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