He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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