The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
