I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
