Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
