he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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