i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
