It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
