i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm too high and old for this...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
