I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
