This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
