I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize