OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
