Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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