just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He shit in the fireplace
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
