I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
