I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
