just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize