Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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