I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
