i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
