i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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