I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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