i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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