Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
