Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize