I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
