I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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