she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
