he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
