We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
