I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
