6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
