god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
