it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
