hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
