exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
