The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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