His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize