"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
