i was born a porn star she said
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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