We're like a lot better than the average bears
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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