Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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