she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
