you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
