no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
