I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
